Accidents Happen
by princess peanut
Summary: After an accident can Dean handle the guilt or will this push him over the edge? Lots of emotional angst. Possible spoilers for both seasons. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Hello again everyone! This little story is just something that popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone. So I had to get it out.

It's gonna be short. Probably not more than three chapters. And there's not a lot of action. Just a lot of emotional torture and angst. And brotherly love. Cause I just love to torture these boys. So hope you like it. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything from Supernatural; not all dreams come true :-(

Warnings: Spoilers for S1 and S2; some bad language.

Chapter 1:

Dean put the car in park and cut the engine. As he exited the car he looked over the top to Sam. "This doesn't look like a museum." Dean said as he looked at the very large Victorian house.

"Well, technically it's not." Sam said. "It's an historic place now. The current owners restored it to what it was originally. No one lives here. They just allow tours to go through a couple times a week."

Dean nodded and headed to the trunk, getting out the needed supplies. Two weeks ago they were called by a man who had known their father years ago. A Mr. Ballard. Apparently when Sam and Dean were young their Dad had met him while they were in town. Mr. Ballard had a soft spot for the man raising his two sons alone. For the short while they were in town their Dad and Ballard had become good friends. Their Dad had told him some of what he did, but not everything. Now, all these years later, he had called saying he had a problem he felt only the Winchesters could help with.

"Give me the run down one more time Sam."

Sam repeated everything from memory as he too loaded up with weapons. "A couple of years ago Mr. Ballard decided to do some remodeling. He still left the main part of the house original, but he added another wing. That's when the strange stuff started happening."

Dean nodded. "Makes sense. Spirits usually get pissy when you start messing with their stuff."

"Yeah. So it started out not too bad. Stuff moving, the feeling of being watched. But as they kept building people started getting hurt."

"And you think it's the original owner?" Dean interrupted.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. A William Conner. Rich widower, spent his life collecting mid-evil art and stuff from that era. Real expensive stuff. Kept to himself mostly. He was found one morning by his maid. Shot to death in his living room. Some stuff stolen from the house. Pretty logical it would be him. After we make sure there's really something going on here and it's him, I've got where he's buried. It won't take long to burn the bones. "

Dean agreed and closed the trunk. "Let's get this show on the road then. This will be a piece of cake."

Sam was about to call Dean on his words, knowing nothing was ever simple in their lives. And saying it was, well it was the perfect way to jinx themselves. If he knew what was coming, he would have slapped Dean's mouth shut and made them turn away.

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Sam fished the key from his pocket. Mr. Ballard had been trusting enough to let them do their job without supervision. As they entered the house each let out a low whistle.

"Holy crap. Look at this place." Dean said in awe. He stepped ahead of Sam and spun around, taking in the amazing site before him.

The place was so big and so outlandishly decorated, it was hard to keep their eyes on any one spot. The walls were speckled with art work that costed thousands of dollars each. The glass tables, and marbled tile didn't really fit with the Victorian style, but it definitely stood out and made you take notice.

The boys moved into the next room and stopped short.

"Oh give me a break." Dean said.

Sam's eyes widened too. "Oh this isn't looking good for our health."

"You think?" Dean said sarcastically.

Sam ignored Dean and walked past him, staring at the objects in the room. "This is a little obsessive, don't you think?"

"Well, he was a collector. Guess he wanted to make sure he had the whole theme."

Dean said as he scanned the room.

Every inch of the huge ball room was covered with mid-evil themes. Pictures, paintings, carpets, tapestries, and odd knick knacks. But what scared them, was the weapons. The walls and tables were full of the old, authentic, and painful looking weapons from that time period. It looked like everything that was every used at the time was here.

Dean walked ahead a little more and came to a stop. In the middle of the room, one on each side, stood two full dressed knights with swords.

He smirked and turned to Sam. "If one of these puppies comes to life, I'm outta here."

"This place is creeping me out man. Let's just get this done."

"I second that." Dean said.

Dean pulled out his EMF and got to work. They began going through each room, taking their time, checking every corner and closet. An hour later they had found nothing downstairs. They carefully made their way upstairs. Which was just as impressive as the floor below. If not more.

"You know" Sam said as he was scanning over the books in the library they were currently in, "This stuff is pretty cool. The guy had very eclectic taste."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Only you would find this place interesting." he mumbled.

"Excuse me. Sorry if I find the books and art and history and culture more interesting than the array of weapons. There is more to life than guns and knives Dean." Sam said, his voice taking an irritated tone.

"Don't get your panties in a twist Sammy. I know you can't help being a geek to the core." Dean laughed and ducked as Sam swatted as his head. "Pull your nose out of the books and let's get back to work."

Sam sighed but chose to ignore the comment. Instead he followed his brother out of the room.

Eventually they made their way to the newest area that was still mostly under construction. They made their way up another staircase. Sam gave a concern look when he noticed the railing on the side wasn't very sturdy.

"Mr. Ballard said to be careful up here. Construction is still ongoing and not everything is stable." Sam cautioned.

"Got it." Dean said.

Their attention was suddenly turned to the EMF as it began to go off wildly when they made it to the top of the stairway.

"Look alive Sam. Someone's home." Dean said.

Just as Dean said that the spirit made itself known. A large vase flew off the table, aiming for Dean's head.

"Duck!" Sam yelled.

Dean made it down just in time to watch the glass shatter behind him.

"Okay, we got confirmation. Let's get out of here and burn the bones." Dean said.

Sam nodded and was about to move when one of the tables behind him flew out and slammed into the back of Sam's legs, sending him flying forward to the floor. "I'm okay!" He called out immediately to his brother.

Dean gave Sam a thumbs up and was making his way to him when he was blind sided by something extremely heavy and solid. It hit him at his right side sending him slamming into the wall and then down to the floor. He laid there for a moment watching the stars dance in front of his eyes.

Dean felt something grab his arms and he automatically started fighting.

"Dean! It's me! Get up." Sam said, pulling his older brother off the floor. "You all right man?"

Dean shook his head, trying to clear his vision. "Yeah. Yeah I'm good. Let's go."

They turned to make their way back down the hall to the stairway. All the way dodging different pieces of art and furniture and weapons that were sent flying at them. A couple of times each of them were nicked with something. But they eventually made it to the stairway relatively unscathed.

They had just reached the landing, the biggest part of the hall. The part that had a myriad of vicious weapons on the walls. Dean pushed Sam in front of him, determined to get out of the way before those weapons got a mind of their own.

Unfortunately he was too late. He turned his head just in time to see a very large knife flying through the air. It's aim centered on Sam's back. Dean yelled out to his brother, lunging forward. Dean collided with Sam seconds before the knife hit it's target. With all of his strength he shoved his little brother forward, the fell to the floor watching the knife lodge in the wall next to him.

"That was close..." Before Dean could finish the sentence he heard the loud crack of wood. He looked up to see that he had pushed Sam into the banister of the stairway. The banister that was not quite finished. The banister that was now breaking in slow motion under Sam's weight.

The banister that gave away before Dean could get to his feet. Leaving Dean watch his little brother's eyes go wide as he went over the side.

-TBC-

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	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the kind and encouraging reviews. Now, sit down and hold on cause here comes the angst! There's also going to be some flashbacks from here on out.

Sorry this is so overdue. I fully intended for it to be up last week, but I got swamped with unexpected overtime at work! Yuck!

Chapter 2:

Everything became a blur. He heard no sound. Didn't feel the hits from the things the spirit was throwing at him. Didn't even really see the stairs as he flew down them two at a time. His only thought was of Sam. The sight of Sam's wide eyes, his body falling backwards flashed again before him. A sight Dean would give anything to erase.

Reaching the bottom Dean turned, and then came to a cold stop. Another sight now greeted him. He wished he could _burn_ this one out of his eyes. He found himself frozen to the spot. Tears immediately brimming. The breath was sucked from his lungs. Dean swallowed hard, and with all of his strength willed himself to shuffle forward.

Once he finally forced his body to move he lept forward and fell to his knees beside Sam. His brother was unconscious. He had landed on his back. But his left leg didn't follow suite. It was twisted in a way Dean didn't think was supposed to be possible. As Dean looked at it he could see the bone sticking through just below the knee, the blood already pooling under Sam's leg. Dean slapped his hand over his mouth to keep himself from vomiting. With a deep breath he forced himself to continue his examination of Sam.

With a shaky hand he felt over his little brother's body. Besides his leg, Dean figured Sam had some broken ribs, maybe a broken arm. He moved up Sam's body to his head. There was blood flowing from Sam's nose and mouth. And suddenly Dean noticed the small puddle of red beginning to flow under Sam's mop of brown hair.

"No." Dean whimpered. Swallowing the bile in his throat, he put two fingers to Sam's neck. He almost screamed in relief when he felt the pulse. But he couldn't let himself be fooled. Just because he felt a pulse and Sam was breathing didn't mean anything about this could be looked at as good.

"Hold on Sammy." Dean whispered. He felt as though he couldn't raise his voice if he tried.

Dean wiped his hands, his bloodied hands, on his jeans and reached into his pocket pulling out his cell phone. He almost couldn't keep his finger steady enough to hit the numbers.

As soon as the 911 operator answered Dean blurted out the address and gave a quick run down on what happened to Sam. Dean didn't even hear what she said back to him. He dropped the phone and bent over his brother. He placed his hands on Sam's face, careful not to move his head.

"You hold on Sammy. You hear me? You hold on. Help is on the way." His whisper was fierce and sure. He couldn't let his little brother hear any doubt in his voice.

No, he had to be strong for Sam. He had to make sure Sam knew everything was going to be okay. That his big brother had it taken care of. Just like always. Sam would hold on and stay strong if he knew Dean was there. He could always get his little brother through anything. Sam knew he could count on him.

Dean released Sam's face and reached down, grabbing his hand. He held on tight and with his other hand he stroked Sam's head. "Just hold on little brother. You're gonna be fine."

Dean kept up a constant stream of whispered assurances for what felt like forever. But eventually he heard the sirens in the distance. "See Sammy? They're almost here. Everything's going to be okay."

(flashback)

Sam's scream echoed through his body. Dean's eyes widened when he looked down and saw his baby brother laying on the ground, clutching his arm and sobbing. As fast as he could, Dean climbed out of the tree house and headed down the tree, practically falling himself. He made it to the bottom in seconds. All the while hearing Sam crying his name.

"Sammy!" Dean knelt down next to his brother grabbing onto him.

Sam was clutching his left arm to his body, his eyes were already read and puffy and his face tear streaked. There was also a little blood on his bottom lip.

"It hurts Dean." seven year old Sam cried.

"I know Sammy. But it's going to be okay."

"Cause you'll make it better." Sam said, sniffing and tears still falling.

Dean winced. As he looked at his brother's broken arm he knew he couldn't fix it with a band aid and ice cream this time. He had to get Sam back home to Dad. Dad could fix it.

"It'll be okay Sammy. But we gotta get you home to Dad. He can make it better."

Sam wiped his good arm across his eyes. "Dad's gonna be mad Dean."

"No he's not. You don't worry about it Sammy. Now come on, I'll help you get up."

Dean knew his Dad was going to be mad. They weren't supposed to even be in that stupid tree house. Dad had said it was too high and not sturdy enough. But Dean hadn't listened to him. He had told his Dad they were going to the park. But they snuck over to the tree house, and now Sam was hurt. Dad was definitely going to be mad. Just not at Sammy.

Dean grabbed his brother around the waist and helped him to his feet. Every time he moved, Sam cried out more.

"It hurts real bad Dean."

Dean held onto his brother as they started walking. "I know Sammy. Just hold onto me. Just hold onto me."

(End flashback)

"Just hold onto me Sammy." Dean whispered, squeezing his brother's hand.

Dean released a sigh that was bordering on a sob when he heard the ambulance pull up to the house. The paramedics came crashing through the front door.

"Up here!" He screamed.

A minute later Dean reluctantly released Sam's hand and moved aside to let the EMT's do their job. Dean stood to the side, watching in total numbness. Not for the first time he cursed the medical knowledge he was raised with. Dad had drilled first aid into their heads, making them familiar with how to do it and understanding certain medical terms.

So now, as Dean listened, his gut wrenched even more as he heard the EMT's talking about his brother's injuries. Every word made his gut twist even more. He was sure he was mere seconds away from throwing up. Instead, he backed himself up into the wall behind him and watched as the men in front of him prepared Sam for the ride to the hospital. He watched as they put a collar around his neck, immobilized his leg, and strapped him to a backboard. He watched them put an IV into his hand and strap an oxygen mask over his face. He watched as they placed gauze over his wounds to stop the blood flow.

Dean followed them down the stairs and out the front door all the way to the ambulance doors. Until he was stopped with a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry sir, you can't ride with us." The paramedic said.

"Bull shit! That's my little brother. I'm coming with you." Dean shouted.

The paramedic gave Dean a very sympathetic look. "I understand that sir. But we need the room to work. I promise, we will take good care of him."

Dean wanted nothing more than to continue to argue, or force his way inside the ambulance. Or punch the guy. Instead, he gave in. All of that would just be wasting time that Sam didn't have. So instead he nodded and stepped aside.

"We'll be going to Memorial." The paramedic said. "Why don't you have someone drive you."

Dean just nodded and watched as the doors closed and the ambulance sped away. He turned back and looked at the house. For the first time since Sam fell, he thought of the spirit. For some reason it had stopped it's attack after Sam fell. A moment of question made him pause, but he decided that right now he just really didn't care why.

Snapping himself out of the haze that was lingering over him, Dean ran back into the house. In a frenzy he collected the weapons and bags they had left behind. He didn't even bother to be cautious of the spirit. And luckily it didn't make a reappearance. On his way out he stopped for a second to stare at the blood stain where his brother's body had fallen. He clenched his jaw and blinked back the tears. It was time to move. Within minutes he had everything thrown into the trunk of the Impala and was speeding down the road.

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For what was probably the hundredth time, Dean stood and paced the circle of the small waiting room. He had already been there for over an hour and no one had told him a damn thing yet. The only thing he knew for sure was that Sam was still alive. That was the only thing he had to cling to.

As he felt the eyes of the other people in the waiting room on him watching him pace, he found a seat in the corner of the room and sat back down. Damn he hated hospitals. He swore he would give his right arm if he never had to be in another one again. The waiting game was the worse. It gave him too much time to think.

And all he could think about was why he was here. He was here waiting for news on his broken brother because he screwed up. All of his life he was Sam's protector. It was ingrained in him since he was four years old. And for all of his bitching about his little brother, Dean wouldn't want it any other way. His brother was the most precious thing in his life. He would give his life right then if it would save Sam. But now. Now he was the reason Sam was here.

Over and over Dean replied those last minutes. If only he hadn't shoved Sam so hard. Or maybe if he just would have shouted a warning Sam could have ducked in time. But all he could think of at the moment was that knife heading towards his brother. Dean snorted. Right now a knife wound would be preferable. Anything would be preferable than the memory of his brother laying broken that was etched into his mind.

Dean clenched his jaw and held back the tears that were once again threatening to fall. He would not cry damn it. Sam was not dead. He was hurt bad, but he would pull through this. Everything would be okay because he said it would. Dean promised Sam he would be fine, and Dean never broke a promise to his little brother.

Suddenly a thought popped into his head. It hit him so hard he knew there was no way he was going to be able to control it. He got up quickly and found the nearest restroom. He entered it and locked the door behind him, then immediately proceeded to be sick. Leaning over the toilet Sam's words swam through his head over and over.

"_Promise me Dean. Promise me."_

And he had. He had made the promise to kill his own brother. And now he was waiting on word to find out if he had kept it.

"Damn it!" Dean shouted, his voice echoing in the small space. What the hell had they done in their lives to deserve this?

Dean stood and leaned over the sink, splashing cool water on his face. "Damn you Dad." He whispered. "How could you leave us like this?"

With one last splash of cold water Dean headed back tot he waiting room. He took the seat that had been his. The room was empty of a few more people and everything seemed too quiet.

(Flashback)

"It's too quiet in here." Sam said, peering up over the magazine he was reading.

"I told you to get your walkman out of the car." Dean said looking at his brother. At fourteen Sam had to be the biggest complainer Dean had ever met. He took the whole 'teenage angst' thing to the next level. Dean didn't remember ever being as bad as his brother.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Why does it always take so long for someone to talk to us?"

"They'll be out when they have something to say. Now would you just shut up." Dean snapped. Five hours ago he had driven like a bat out of hell to get their Dad to the emergency room. Their latest hunt didn't go quite as planned and Dad had ended up being speared with by a metal rod. And they were still waiting for news.

"Think he's okay?" Sam asked, worry lacing his voice.

"Of course he is. Don't worry Sammy."

Both boys heads snapped up when the doctor finally came through the doors.

"Family of Mr. Winchester?"

(End flashback)

Dean was snapped out of his memory when he heard the double doors swing open. He watched as an elderly doctor made his way to the waiting room. His heart sped up. Please let this be about Sam, he thought.

The doctor stopped at the opening to the waiting room. "Family of Mr. Baker?"

Dean jumped to his feet. "I'm his brother."

"I'm Doctor Colby." The man extended his hand giving Dean a small smile. "I've been taking care of your brother. Why don't you follow me and I'll tell you what's going on."

-TBC-

So, what's the verdict? Hit that little button and let me know. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So once again, I'm late with this chapter. Sorry! Hope you'll still read. I feel I was a little too wordy with the conversation between the doctor and Dean. But I wasn't sure how else to do it. So, sorry if it's too much. But there was a lot of info I needed to let out.

A/N 2: Also, I hope my use of flashbacks is okay and not too much. I usually don't go for flashbacks, but they just seem to fit with this story. Hope they worked out. But anyway, on with the show...

Chapter 3

Dean followed the Doctor through the double doors, down a long hallway, and into a small closet of an office. The entire time he just wanted to grab the man and make him tell him about Sam. Instead, he swallowed hard and kept his composure. No sense in going all caveman on the guy and getting thrown out. He couldn't risk not getting to see Sam.

Finally they were both seated, facing each other. Dean wanted to reach out and slap the look of sympathy off the older man's face. He didn't deserve anyone's sympathy. He deserved to be punished somehow. He was the reason Sam was laying on a table somewhere in this hospital. He sure as hell didn't deserve any kindness be shown to him.

"First off Mr. Baker, let me say that your brother is a very lucky man." Dr. Colby said.

"Lucky?" Dean asked sarcastically. Luck was a word he sure wouldn't use right now. "So...Sam's okay?" Dean dared ask. Maybe there was hope after all.

Dr. Colby smiled slightly. "Your brother's injuries are severe." He held a hand up to stop Dean from replying. "But he is stable. And he's alive. That kind of fall, most don't survive."

Dean swallowed and nodded. "Just cut to the chase Doctor." Dean's voice was harsh and grainy. He hadn't intended to be rude, but he was tired of the beating around the bush. He just needed the facts.

Dr. Colby gave a clipped nod. "Ok then." He opened up the file he was holding. "We got Sam stabilized and he is currently on his way to surgery."

Dean's jaw clenched even tighter. He was sure he was cracking his teeth. "What for?"

"Actually, only for his leg. It was a pretty bad break. He's going to need some pins put in for the bone to heal properly. That's good news." Dr. Colby said forcefully, hoping to take away some of the tension he could clearly see in the young man.

"Good news? So...there wasn't any bleeding or anything?" Dean asked.

Dr. Colby shook his head. "No internal bleeding. Which is a good thing. Of course, it's going to take a long time for his leg to heal properly. But in time, and with therapy he shouldn't have too many problems with it."

"What else?" Dean asked.

"He has four broken ribs, but luckily none punctured his lungs. He had a very long fracture to his left arm, but nothing broken. We will put it in a soft cast to minimize movement until it heals. There's some swelling around his spine, but..."

Dean interrupted. "Swelling around the spine? That's bad isn't it?" The first thing Dean could think of was his brother being paralyzed.

"As I was saying," Dr. Colby said. "He took a hard fall. Right now I don't believe it's anything to worry about. His body was battered. Over the next twenty four hours the swelling should go down. We will keep our eye on it of course, but I believe it's nothing more than just deep bruising."

Dr. Colby paused. He wanted to let the young man take in the information. He couldn't help but notice how pale he looked. "Are you okay?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, just...what else?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"The only thing that concerns me the most is the head injury. When he fell it caused a laceration to the back of his head. It wasn't a very big wound and I've sutured it close. But with a hit that hard we always have to worry. Although luckily there was no skull fracture. He does have a sever concussion. And we have to watch for brain swelling and hemorrhaging. But we will be able to diagnose any damage better when he wakes up."

"That's it then?" Dean asked.

Dr. Colby stood and patted Dean on the shoulder. "Your brother is in good hands Mr. Baker. I have very high expectations that he will recover."

Dean didn't want to ask the next question, but somehow he just blurted it out. "Do you think...I mean, if the concussion is bad enough...is there a possibility of brain...I mean..."

"Mr. Baker. There's always a chance of some type of damage when dealing with an injury to the brain. Right now Sam is stable. We'll just have to wait. I know it's hard, but it's all we can do at the moment."

Dean nodded. "Thanks Doctor. How long will the surgery be?"

"About two hours. The waiting room is on the second floor. We'll come get you when Sam is settled in his room."

Dean stood and headed in the direction Dr. Colby pointed him to. He tucked his hands in his pockets and put his head down.

(Flashback)

Dean counted the squares in the tile floor as he walked along side his father holding his hand. He was so excited. Today he was going to meet his baby brother. And see his Mommy. He hadn't seen her since Daddy took her to have the baby yesterday. He didn't like spending the night without his Mommy. Even though Aunt Kate and Uncle Mike were real nice to him, he missed it when his Mommy didn't read his bedtime story to him. He liked his own bed in his own room. The room at Kate and Mike's house was scary. But he didn't tell his Daddy that. His Daddy would tell him that big boys wouldn't be scared. So he made sure he was a good boy so he could come to the hospital today.

"Do I get to touch him." Dean asked, craning his head up to look at his dad.

"Of course. But you'll have to be real careful and use soft touches. Sammy is real small." John said with a smile.

"Sammy? I thought his name was Sam." Dean said.

"It is Dean. But while he's little we'll call him Sammy. That will be his nickname." When Dean gave him a puzzled look John said, "Like your name is Dean but I call you Deano."

Dean scrunched up his face. "That's a baby name Daddy. I'm a big boy now."

John laughed. He bent down and picked up his son. "That's right kiddo. You're a big boy now. And a big brother. And that's a real important job."

"I'll be real good at it." Dean said smiling brightly.

John ruffled Dean's hair his own smile just as bright. "I know you will kiddo. You're going to be the best big brother ever. Now let's go see Mommy and Sammy."

(End Flashback)

Almost four hours later Dean thought he was going to go crazy. There was a definite pattern of boot prints in a circle around the waiting room. The garbage can held four empty cups of coffee, and the magazines he had held and pretended to read were discarded on the chair next to him. He was ready to scream.

"That's it." He said getting up. He was going to hunt down whoever and make them tell him what was going on.

Just as Dean was exiting the waiting room he saw Dr. Colby approaching.

Dr. Colby approached and Dean glared at him. He thought he saw the man actually flinch, but right at that moment he didn't care if he was being rude.

"Mr. Baker." This time the Doctor cut to the point. "Your brother came through surgery very well. The leg is looking good. We've got him settled in his room now if you'd like to see him. Room 255."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Dr. Colby nodded. "I will be by later to check on Sam."

Dean hurried down the hallway, eyes scanning for Sam's room number. His pace quickened as he reached the right hallway and he sped to the end. But as he reached 255, he stopped. He stood staring at the closed door. His breath quickened and he felt himself being to tremble.

He wanted to see Sam so badly. With his own eyes make sure his little brother was breathing and alive. But did he have that right now? Did he have the right to sit next to his brother and keep vigil? Did he have the right to continue to be Sam's protector when he was almost his murderer?

Dean shook his head. Maybe he didn't have the right to be here right now. But before he made any decisions on what to do next, he needed to see his brother. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

(Flashback)

"Mommy!" Dean cried out when he entered the room. He quickly ran and hoisted himself up onto his mother's bed.

"Dean! Calm down." John scolded.

"Oh John, it's okay." Mary said, embracing her boy. "He's just excited aren't you?"

"I missed you Mommy." Dean said, scooting as close to his mother as he could.

"I missed you too sweetheart." Mary kissed the top of Dean's head.

"Dean, don't lean on your Mom too much kiddo." John said.

Dean frowned. Mary smiled and held her son's hand. "It's okay baby. Mommy is just a little sore. So just don't bounce around too much and use your inside voice, okay?"

Dean smiled. "Okay Mommy."

"Now, I bet you're ready to see your new little brother aren't you?" Mary asked.

Dean nodded. "Daddy said I could touch him."

Mary laughed. "Of course you can touch him sweetheart."

(End Flashback)

With a shaking hand Dean reached out and took Sam's hand in his. His brother was too still and pale. The machine next to his bed beeped the steady rhythm of his heart. He had too many IV's for Dean's liking and an nasal cannula for oxygen. But his face was peaceful. No frown lines or tight lips. No nightmares. Dean reached out and pushed a stray lock of hair from Sam's forehead.

"I'm so sorry little brother. I'm so sorry." Dean whispered.

Releasing Sam's hand Dean pulled a chair from the corner next to the bed and sat. His eyes boring into Sam. Watching the rise and fall of his chest, the few twitches of his eyes beneath the closed lids. And this time, Dean Winchester didn't fight the tears that began to fall. He allowed himself to be weak. He deserved it.

Out of everything thing he had done in his life, he couldn't think of one thing that was worse than this. He cussed, and he drank, and he slept with too many women, and he killed things. He had stolen and lied. He had lost people close to him. But this was the first time he sat next to someone he loved in a hospital, knowing without a doubt, that he had put them there.

Dean leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. In a quiet voice he said, "I don't know how to make this right Sam. I'm so sorry. I failed you. I failed Dad. All I had to do was keep you safe, and I screwed up. I don't know what to do about that. But I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna figure out a way to make sure you stay safe Sam. I'm gonna figure out a way to make sure you get the life you deserve. I promise you that."

(Flashback)

"Dean, I feel stupid."

"Dude, it's just till you get the hang of it. This way, you're not all sore and you can practice every day."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Man, I'm sixteen. I feel like I'm wearing a diaper."

Dean laughed and continued pushing towels under Sam's clothes. "You're the one who signed up for ice hockey." He patted Sam's padded back. "Without even knowing if you could ice skate I might add."

"Don't you think this is a bit much?" Sam asked, looking at himself, now all bulky, in the mirror.

"Did you see the bruises on your back?" Sam stayed silent. "Exactly. This way, until you can stay upright on the ice, you won't get hurt."

Sam laughed, "Dude, I'm not gonna break."

"And I plan to make sure of that." Dean said.

(End Flashback)

Dean nodded to himself as the memory faded. "I'll make sure of it." He whispered to himself.

Dean watched the clock on the wall. It was well after one am. The doctor had come and gone, telling Dean that Sam was doing well. The nurses periodically came in and out, each one smiling sweetly to him. The last nurse suggested that Dean go home and get some sleep. He had to laugh at that one. His only home was laying in the bed. He was just grateful that no one seemed incline to enforce the visiting hours rule.

At sunrise Dean stood, stretching his muscles, and walked to the window. He could see the sun coming up over the horizon. The morning mist thick. The parking lot below them was still quiet. He watched as a few birds circled in the air before landing in the tree outside the window. Life outside of that room seeming so simple and pure at the moment. Living the life he did, he knew all too well how sunrise had a way of washing things clean. Washing away the darkness, purifying everything. Sunrise meant a second chance.

Dean continued to stand, watching the world wake up when suddenly a whimper had him spinning around. Just as the light began spilling through the window, Dean saw Sam's head move and his eyes began to flutter.

-TBC-

Next chapter; Sam's awake! Please let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N:_ Wow, didn't I say this was gonna be a short story? Guess it got away from me! But there is only one more chapter next. And that's the **_big_** talk between Sam and Dean.

This chapter did not turn out the way I wanted, and I don't like it. But you can only re-write things so many times before you simply give up. So, think of this as a transition chapter to the big angsty brotherly moment that will be next.

As always, thanks for reading! And thank you to all my wonderful reviewers. You guys rock!

Chapter 4:

Dean closed the distance from the window to Sam's side in two steps. Sam was moving his head back and forth in short turns and moaning. His face was scrunched up and his eyes were fluttering.

Dean grabbed his hand. "That's it Sammy. Wake up."

Sam turned his head toward the sound of Dean's voice. "Come on Sam. Wake up." Dean encouraged.

Dean held his breath as he watched his brother fight his way back to the world. When Sam's eyes finally opened he thought he would collapse right there on the floor. But he held on. He could see the confusion in Sam's eyes immediately.

"It's okay Sam. You're in the hospital. You're okay."

Sam blinked a few times, his eyes roaming around, taking in the room. He swallowed a few times, wincing. As he turned back to Dean, he winced and gasped as he felt the pain that wasn't there in unconsciousness flare up.

Dean didn't miss it. He squeezed Sam's hand. "Hold on Sammy. I'm gonna get a doctor. I'll be right back."

The last thing Dean wanted to do was leave his brother's side, but he knew Sam needed the doctor right away. He made his way to the hallway and then to the nurses station and told them Sam had woken up. The nurse smiled brightly and told him the doctor would be right there.

No sooner had Dean re-entered Sam's room and was going to his side, Dr. Colby and a couple of nurses were rushing into the room.

"Mr. Baker, we need you to wait outside for a minute." One of the nurses told Dean.

Dean's eyes widened. "What? No...why?"

The nurse gently took a hold of Dean's arm and began leading him away, "Just let us check your brother over. Let the doctor do his job and then you can come back in, okay? We'll take care of him, I promise."

Dean bit his tongue and nodded sharply. With one last glance at Sam over the doctor's shoulder, Dean exited the door. But he didn't go back to the waiting room. Instead he leaned up against the wall right next to Sam's door. His ears straining to hear anything.

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Almost twenty minutes later Dean still stood, standing against the wall with one foot up tapping against it. If he had the habit of biting his nails like Sam did, he was sure he wouldn't have any left. What was with doctors always leaving the family hanging for so long? Didn't they realize the torture that was? Did they just love adding more drama to a situation or what? Dean rolled his eyes.

The door finally opened and the nurses exited followed by the doctor. Dr. Colby looked surprised to see Dean standing there and not in the waiting room.

"Mr. Baker! Thought you'd be in the waiting room."

"I wanted to make sure I was here when you left, so I'd be well informed." Dean snapped out. His anger at waiting causing his tone to be harsh.

Dr. Colby frowned. "Of course." He cleared his throat. "I would like to do some more x-rays on Sam, make sure the swelling is going down." He smiled. "But Sam is awake and everything looks good. His reflexes are responding, his motor skills are good, and the neurological exam I gave him went well."

For the first time in the last twenty four hours Dean felt a wave of hope go through him. He smiled slightly, "So he's going to be okay? Like, totally okay?"

Dr. Colby smiled. "He's still a little groggy right now. The incidents of the last twenty four hours are a little blurry for him still. He's in some pain, which I've given him medication for, and he's got a recovery process ahead of him. But, all in all, as long as the swelling continues to go down, I can say that Sam is going to make a full recovery."

Dean smiled widely, "Thank you Doc. Really. Can I go back in now?"

Dr. Colby nodded. "Of course. Just remember, Sam is still a little out of it. He probably won't be able to hold a conversation real well and he might fall back asleep. But he is on his way to recovery. Try not to tire him out."

"Gotcha Doc." Dean said as he made his way back into Sam's room.

Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Dean opened the door. As soon as he stepped in, Sam's eyes immediately went to him. Dean suddenly found himself standing still, at a loss of what to say. He could feel the lump forming in his throat and his heart began to beat faster. He had so much to say, needed to apologize to his brother, but in typical Dean Winchester fashion, his brain didn't know what words to use and his mouth couldn't form the words.

And looking at his brother, who was now propped up in bed, eyes alert and on him, Dean didn't have the heart to bring up anything that would stress Sam. He decided to play it cool for now, until Sam was feeling better. If the last day was still a blur to Sam, then Dean had time to rehearse what he wanted to say. Right now he just needed to reassure his brother that everything was going to be okay. Dean forced his feet to move. As he approached Sam gave him a lopsided smile.

"Hey Sammy. How are you feeling?" Dean greeted, not being totally successful at keeping the quiver out of his voice.

Sam swallowed, "Okay." His voice was a little rough.

Dean placed a hand on Sam's arm. "Doc says you're gonna be fine man. Just gotta take it easy for a while."

"Got pins in my leg." Sam said, his speech beginning to slur. Dean figured it was probably from the pain killers.

Dean forced out a laugh. "Yeah, now we gotta worry about you setting off metal detectors."

Sam huffed a little, his grin a little more lopsided. "What happened?"

Dean's brow crinkled. "You don't remember?"

Sam shook his head, then winced at the pain and simply said, "Kinda blurry."

Dean bit his bottom lip. "You took a fall man. But don't worry about that right now. You look tired, get some rest. We'll talk some more later."

Sam gave him a curious look, acted as if he was going to say something else, but in the end agreed. "Yeah, I'm tired." He closed his eyes.

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The next time Sam woke up the sunshine was gone and the room was dimly lit by the yellow lights. His eyes searched the room looking for his brother, but Dean wasn't there. He felt a moment of worry but he forced himself to relax. His brother was probably just getting coffee or something.

As he lay in the quiet room he took the time to do a mental inventory of the last day and a half. Everything that happened at the house was still a little bit of a blur. He had bits and pieces of memories. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get his mind to replay what happened that caused him to be where he was.

After a few minutes of trying to remember the pounding in his head increased and he gave up trying. With a sigh he looked down to his leg. The sheet had been moved to the side and he could see the huge cast that went from the tip of his toes to above his knee. That was gonna be a bitch for a while. His entire body was starting to ache again. He tried to shift and get comfortable and found that was a mistake. His entire body flared with white hot pain. He clenched his jaw and tried to breathe through it. He wondered if it was almost time for more medicine. Right now he would be more than happy to be put out of his misery with something strong. He wanted to stay awake and talk to Dean, but if the nurse would give him something to knock him out, he wouldn't refuse.

After a while, when no one came into his room Sam hit the call button for the nurse. Not more than five minutes later one walked in. She was an older lady, her hair in a tight bun, and she was all smiles.

"Hello Mr. Baker. How are we feeling this evening?"

"Not good." Sam replied.

She nodded. "It's about time for another dose of pain medicine. No worries, we'll have you floating in la la land before you know it." She said with enthusiasm.

Sam let his head fall back and sighed, "That sounds good." As the nurse injected the medicine into his IV he asked, "Do you by chance know if my brother is here?"

"He was honey, but he left a little while ago. He did give us strict orders to call immediately if you need something though."

Sam frowned. Okay, so he wasn't a baby, but he couldn't help but wonder why Dean wouldn't be there with him. Yeah, so his brother probably needed to eat and sleep, cause he knew Dean, and he probably hadn't done any of that. But still, he couldn't help the little twinge of disappointment that he wasn't there.

The nurse must have sensed something because she said, "Oh honey, that boy has been here the entire time. Pacing, badgering the doctor, keeping an eye on you. You just slept through it is all." She patted Sam's arm. "I think he just needed a little fresh air. He said he'd be back soon. Now you just close your eyes and rest."

With the medicine kicking in, Sam didn't have a chance to argue or worry about it anymore. He was suddenly getting that floaty feeling and was drifting off.

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On his way to Sam's room Dean stopped at the nurses station to get any updates. He was informed by an elderly woman that Sam had woken up but was now asleep. He nodded and turned to walk away when the nurse spoke again.

"He asked for you. Wanted to know where you were?"

Dean's jaw clenched. He gave her a curt nod and continued on. After Sam had first woken Dean stayed to make sure he really was going to be okay. Sam had still been groggy for those couple of hours and they didn't have any type of real conversation. But Dean knew that the next time Sam woke up he would be more alert. And he wasn't ready for that yet. He wasn't ready to have the conversation he needed to have with Sam. Not yet. So instead, he stayed for as long as he could, until he saw the signs that Sam was stirring and waking up again. He felt guilty as hell. Leaving his brother to wake up to an empty room. But there was just no way he could look his brother in the eye right now. He was an asshole. He knew this. But he had a plan. And until Sam was completely coherent, he couldn't get into it yet.

He walked in and pulled the chair close to Sam's bed. He wasn't too worried about being quiet. The meds Sam was getting knocked him out pretty good. Sam had been here a little over a day now, but to Dean he was already looking a little better. At least his color had returned to his cheeks, and he looked as though his sleep was peaceful. Dean sighed and got as comfortable as he could in the hard chair. It was going to be a long night.

(Flashback)

This was officially turning out to be the longest night of his life. And the most boring, and the most obnoxious, and the most crap he'd been subjected to in a long time. He was going to go crazy by the time the night was over. But of course, he wouldn't miss it for the world. So here he was, bunched up in between middle aged moms and dads in a stuffy auditorium with his eyes trained to the stage ahead of them.

Dean shook his head. He would never understand his little brother. Never. The kid was a genius, no doubt about that. But he could also kick ass, handle weapons, and could have been a hell of a sports player. But what did Sam choose to do instead? He chose drama. Who else besides geeks choose to take drama?

But when Sam had so enthusiastically told him how he had gotten the lead part in the play, Dean couldn't find it in his heart to tease him. Instead he totally promised to be there opening night to watch his brother shine. How could he say no? Of course, that didn't mean that Dean wouldn't file this night away for another time when he could use it against Sam.

The play was stupid. Dean had no idea how anyone found the plot or anything else entertaining. But when Sam walked out on stage and did his thing, Dean found himself buzzing with pride. And he would never admit how he stood at the end for a standing ovation. Never.

(End Flashback)

"I hated sitting there with all those soccer moms and dads in business suites dude, but you were great. I guess I never really came out and told you that." Dean whispered to his brother, brushing his hair off his forehead. "But you were awesome. That doesn't mean that someday I'm not gonna tell your kids what a goof you were, but you were great."

Dean swallowed hard and sat back down in his chair. This was going to be a long night.

-TBC-


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So here it is, the last chapter. I hope I did it right. I was trying for a major moment without losing too much of the characters. Hope you like it. It's a little wordy and longer than I planned, but I am so not torturing myself by continuing to re-write it.

But please, good or bad, let me know what you thought!

Thanks to everyone who stuck through this and thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I loved each one!

Chapter 5:

The next time Sam woke up he immediately scanned the room, once again to find he was alone. Okay, this was getting old. He was starting to get a complex. It was almost as if Dean was avoiding him. Sam found himself beginning to worry. Not for himself. He knew from the Nurse that Dean was there when he was sleeping. And although he would have liked to have his brother there when he was awake, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need a babysitter, and he also didn't need Dean wearing himself out by sitting in that chair.

But Sam also knew his brother better than anyone else. And no way would Dean not want to be there when Sam was awake. It wasn't possible for Dean to turn off his sense of responsibility to Sam. So that meant Dean was purposely avoiding having to talk to him. That meant something was wrong. Sam wasn't worried it was about him. His doctor had been totally honest and up front with him about his injuries. And while he was going to need a lot of rest and rehab, he was going to be fine. And he knew that the doctor had also told Dean that. So that meant something was wrong with Dean. Something that he didn't want to have to talk about. And didn't that just make Sam's heart pound with fear. What could possibly have happened in that last two days?

Sam thought back. His memory was still far too hazy to be able to pick something out. He remembered the day before they went to the house. Dean was fine. He was himself. Sam could remember entering the house on the day of the hunt and Dean was normal then too. But after that, everything was fuzzy. He had no idea what had actually occurred in the house. All he knew is that he had somehow fallen and ended up in the hospital. So something must have happened after he fell. He just couldn't remember what.

"Damn it!" He slammed a fist down into the mattress. Why couldn't he just remember?

With a loud sigh he let his head fall back into the pillows. All this getting upset was just making him feel worse. His head was started to throb again, and thanks to those wonderful pain medications, his stomach was rolling with nausea. He felt like he had a hang over. And he didn't even get the fun that usually went with it the night before. Sam huffed a laugh at that as a memory suddenly hit him.

(Flashback)

Sam lay on the living room floor moaning and clutching his stomach. He wished he would just die. Why did he do it? And why in the hell did people think it was fun? He knew he was going to throw up any minute now, but the room was spinning so badly he couldn't even make it to his knees. Instead he rolled to his side and threw up right there on the living room floor.

"I'm never drinking again." he told the ceiling as he rolled to his back. "Never."

A few minutes later he heard the front door open. He silently prayed it was Dean and not Dad. If it was his Dad, he would murder him! With half lidded, blurry eyes he looked up and saw Dean leaning up against the doorjamb with a smirk on his face.

"Hey there Sammy!" He said cheerfully. "Whatca' doing?"

"Go away." Sam moaned rolling over and curling into a ball.

Dean laughed. "Found your friend outside."

"Friend?" Sam asked. Oh, that's right! He didn't start this night alone. Who had been here? Paul! Where the hell did he go? Sam thought.

Dean shook his head. "Yeah, you're friend who I have to say looks a lot better than you do. Lucky he only lives down the street. I got him home. Can't say his parents were thrilled."

Dean crossed the room, crinkling his nose at the smell of alcohol and vomit. He knelt beside Sam. "How much did you drink Sam?"

Sam looked at his brother through slitted eyes. His stomach was rolling again. "Don't know." he rasped.

Dean sighed. He looked around the room. Empty beer bottles littered the table. But he was surprised to see two empty bottles of tequila also. "Geez Sammy! You trying to get alcohol poisoning!" At first he thought this was funny. But now, kneeling beside Sam seeing how sick he was and just how much he drank, he was worried.

"Dean." Sam groaned. "I don't feel so good."

Dean put his arm behind Sam and slowly helped him sit up. "No shit Sammy. That's what happens when you meet Jose up close and personal. Come on, up to the bathroom. I'd really rather you didn't add to the mess I already have to clean up."

Sam moaned and groaned as Dean got him to his feet. He tried to walk as Dean led him to the bathroom, but it was impossible. Everything was blurry and spinning, his limbs felt heavy, and he just knew he wasn't going to make it to the toilet to throw up. He held onto Dean for dear life and simply tried to remember to breathe.

When they made it to the bathroom Dean grabbed a towel off the rack and put it on the floor for Sam to kneel on. He then gently placed Sam down leaning against the toilet. As Sam laid his head across his arms and moaned Dean began to rub his back.

"I know you're probably going to anyway, but try and throw up more. Get it outta ya. It will make you feel better." Dean said.

"This sucks." Sam huffed out.

"I know." Dean said, still rubbing Sam's back. With his other hand he grabbed a washcloth off the sink and wet in the tub. He placed the cool cloth on Sam's forehead. "Dude. Next time you want to try something, wait for me."

"You always tell me no."

"Yeah, and now you see why. Damn Sammy, you can't just go from never drinking to downing two bottles of tequila! What were you thinking!"

"I don't know...it sounded like fun. It was fun at first...oh God!" Sam cried as he began throwing up again. When he was finished he leaned back against his brother, his head pounding. "Please...don't tell Dad. I'm sorry."

Dean smiled. "Don't worry kiddo. I won't say anything. And don't be sorry. We all gotta go through this. It's part of growing up."

"I'm not a kid. Don't ...don't call me kiddo." Sam mumbled. "I'm sixteen."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, you're all grown up. We'll just think of tonight as your initiation into manhood."

They sat for the next twenty minutes quietly. Dean holding Sam and rubbing his back. Eventually Sam's stomach stopped churning and his body began to relax. Dean's legs were starting to fall asleep from Sam's weight.

He patted Sam lightly on the shoulder. "Come on dude. Let's get you to bed."

"Huh?" Sam asked, looking up at Dean in confusion. "I'm good here." He mumbled.

Dean smiled. "You're gonna feel like shit tomorrow as it is. You don't need to lay on the bathroom floor. Come on. Up."

Dean hauled Sam to his feet, getting no help from his little brother.

"I don't wanna be sick tomorrow." Sam mumbled as Dean helped him out of the bathroom.

Dean laughed. "Too late for that kid. Be prepared, tomorrow is gonna suck big time."

Sam mumbled something else, but Dean couldn't make out what it was. He finally man handled Sam to the bedroom, sitting him on the floor next to the bed. He cleaned off Sam's dirty clothes and pulled down the covers. When he was done he drug Sam up to the bed. His little brother's eyes were closed, but he was still mumbling. He managed getting Sam out of his clothes and down to his boxers then pushed him down onto the mattress. He covered Sam up and was about to turn away when Sam mumbled again.

"You're the best brother."

Dean stopped and looked at his little brother. Even though the kid was drunk and probably wouldn't even remember the night, the compliment warmed his heart. He knew he should clean up the living room, though he wasn't looking forward to it, but he wasn't ready to walk away yet. He turned off the bedroom light and sat next to Sam on the bed. He ran his hand through his brother's hair. He then did something he hadn't done since Sam was a child. And if Sam hadn't been drunk, he wouldn't have done it, but right now he was feeling a little emotional. He bent over and placed a kiss on Sam's forehead.

"Sleep tight little brother. I love you too."

(End Flashback)

Sam never did let on to Dean that he knew his brother had sat next to him for a long time that night. Somehow, even with all the alcohol he had consumed, he had remembered everything about that night. He remembered how Dean had taken care of him during the night and how he sat with him for a long time before cleaning up the mess in the living room. He remembered the next day too. And even though Dean had teased him a little bit, cause he wasn't getting out of it that easily, Dean had hovered over him and made sure he was as comfortable as possible. And biggest of all, he remembered how Dean never spoke a word to Dad about it. He also remembered Dean telling him he loved him. Dean never knew how grateful he was.

Sam was suddenly brought out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening. He heard the familiar shuffle of Dean's boots. Quickly he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He heard Dean come up to the bed. He felt him pat his arm and say "Hey Sammy" softly, then heard him settle into the chair next to him. It was hard as hell to pretend to be asleep, but he wanted Dean to get comfortable and be caught off guard this time when he 'woke' up so he didn't have a chance to split.

"So, is there some reason you don't like to visit when I'm awake?" He asked as he opened his eyes, his voice breaking the silence. Dean jumped at his words but didn't say anything right away, so Sam continued. "Cause ya know, I'm kinda getting a complex here man. Do I look that bad?" He let out a smile laugh, trying to ease the tension that was building.

Dean bit his bottom lip. "Thought you were sleeping. Didn't mean to wake you."

Sam shrugged, wincing a little with the stiffness in his body. "Wasn't asleep."

Dean's brow furrowed. "You could use some more."

Sam nodded his head, but said, "So, aren't you going to answer my question?"

"I'm not avoiding you Sam." Dean said quickly. "I wouldn't leave you alone. I've been here."

There was almost a hurt tone to Dean's voice. Sam immediately felt guilty. "Dude, I know you've been here. I didn't think you split or anything."

"Good, cause you know I wouldn't do that to you. I've just had to take care of a few things."

They both fell silent. Sam staring at Dean, Dean staring at his hands in his lap. Sam knew something was eating at his brother. He could see the tension in his body. "You okay man?" He asked Dean.

Dean laughed. Only not a funny laugh. "Am I okay? Dude, I'm not the one in a hospital bed. I think the question is are you okay."

"Well, I've been better. But the doctor said I'll be fine. And to be honest dude, the stuff their giving me, I'm really not feeling any pain right now."

Dean nodded and swallowed hard. "Good. That's good."

A silence fell between them again. Sam watched as Dean sat with his eyes cast down, chewing on his bottom lip. He knew his brother well. And this was Dean on a guilt trip. Before he could say something a nurse came in. She was there for a little over seven minutes, checking his vitals, giving him medicine and making small chat. Sam watched as Dean's eyes never left the nurse, keeping tabs on what she was doing. Sam was simply willing her to hurry up so he could talk to Dean.

Finally after what seemed like forever she left. And Sam didn't give Dean a chance to do or say anything. He jumped right in.

"All right. Out with it."

Dean took a deep breath. It was time. He was going to lay it all out on the table. "Fine. There is something I want to say to you Sam."

The seriousness tone to Dean's voice, and the fact that he called him Sam had Sam panicking. "What is it Dean?"

Dean looked his brother in the eye. "I"m sorry man. I didn't mean for it to happen." He shook his head and looked down. "I'm so sorry. I was just trying to shove you out of the way."

Sam frowned. "What the hell are you talking about Dean?"

Dean stood quickly, the chair legs squeaking against the floor as it flew back. "What am I talking about! This!" Dean waved his arms at Sam. "You, almost dying because I screwed up!"

Sam was shocked. "What are you talking about Dean?" He said, trying to keep his voice calm, since his brother was clearly not. "Dean, this isn't your fault."

Dean snorted. "Yeah right. You don't even remember what happened."

"No, I don't. But..." Sam started but Dean talked over him.

"That's right you don't. No buts Sam. This is my fault." Dean took a shuddering breath and turned to the window.

Sam looked at Dean's back. He knew how deep Dean's sense of responsibility went towards him, and talking him out the guilt he was feeling was going to be hard. But without a doubt, this was not Dean's fault. And Sam believed that with all his heart.

Clearing his throat Sam said, "Dean, man, listen to me. I...I may not remember what exactly went down, but man, I know you did everything you could. You always do. You always look out for me."

Dean let out a laugh that bordered on a sob. "Yeah. I did what I could all right. I pushed you right over the fuckin' banister." He said quietly.

"What?" Sam asked, forcing himself to sit up a little more, ignoring the pain in his back. "What are you talking about?"

Dean drew in a deep breath, but didn't turn around. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "I was just trying to get you out of the way. That knife...it was coming straight for you. I didn't mean to push you so hard. But...I did...and you hit the banister. But it didn't hold...and..." Dean closed his eyes, seeing Sam as he went over the side. He shuddered. "You went over man. I pushed you over. I almost killed you Sammy."

They were silent for a few minutes. Sam watched Dean as his brother stared out the window. He was trying to remember, but it was all still a blank. "Dean." His brother didn't turn around. He tried another tactic. "So this is why you've been avoiding me when I'm awake?"

Dean nodded.

Sam shook his head. "I don't believe it."

"I'm sorry Sammy." Dean whispered.

Sam's eyes snapped to his brother. "Are you serious? You save my life, you do what you always do, protect me, and just because it turned out different than you planned you're letting it eat you up?"

Dean turned around then. "Save your life? Are you crazy or were you just not listening! I pushed you over Sam! Me! Not the ghost, me!"

Sam laughed and Dean's eyes widened in horror. "Yeah man, I was listening. And I gotta say, this is a bunch of crap Dean. It still wasn't your fault. You were trying to save me. But man, in our line of work, we know that sometimes, accidents happen."

"Well not anymore." Dean stated firmly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

"It mean this Sam." This was the time Dean was going to lay his plan on his brother. "It means that you are going to stay here until you're well. Then we're going to find a place to stay around here while you do your rehab. Then we'll get back to hunting. Only, from now on. You're research boy only. Just like when we were kids. You research, I do the job."

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "What! Are you serious! You're going to order me to stay like some damn dog!"

Dean began to pace. "It's for your own good Sammy. I've been thinking about this. And it's a good plan. It's the only way I can keep you safe. From everything. Including me." Dean whispered the last sentence.

Sam clenched his jaw. If only he could get out of that bed and knock some sense into his brother. "Dean man. You've got to let this go. It was an accident. I know that. You would never hurt me on purpose."

Dean shook his head. "You don't get it Sam." He stopped pacing and looked at his brother. "Look Sam, you need to get some rest, we'll talk more later."

"Oh hell no! Don't you dare walk out of here Dean. Talk to me. What's going on in that thick head of yours?"

Dean scrubbed a hand across his face. "Sam, we are all that we've got left. And no matter how old we get, you're my baby brother. Always will be. I gotta look out for you. There isn't anything else in this life that I want more than keeping you safe." He stopped and looked Sam in the eyes. "Do you have any idea what it did to me when I saw you fall? When I knew it was by my hand?"

Sam swallowed, his emotions rising. "Dean. I get what you're saying. But, it isn't your fault. I know that from the bottom of my heart. That you would never hurt me. The only thing you've ever done all your life is protect me and be there for me. I could never think otherwise."

"So how could you ask me to kill you?" Dean hadn't meant to say it, but it slipped out. It was something he had been wanting to ask for so long. To know why his brother thought he could ever do it.

The room fell so quiet they could hear the voices from outside the door. Sam looked shell shocked. "Dean..."

"You made me promise you Sam. Damn you! Do you have any idea how it felt to know I almost kept that promise! Huh? Do you? Do you know how it felt to see you lying there, dying in front of me, knowing I did it?"

"Dean...I'm sorry...I" Sam started.

"No Sam. You know what. I may have said I promise, but I never meant it. Because no matter what happens in the future, I could never purposely hurt you. I'd rather die first. And this," he gestured at Sam, "I just can't take." He took a deep breath. "I don't want to lose you Sammy."

Sam sighed. "And I don't want to lose you either Dean. And I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I should have never asked you to make that promise. I was wrong. It was cruel of me to do it, and I'm sorry." Sam said. It was true. Sam was so worried about what he might become, he had never stopped to think about how it would affect Dean. And now, knowing everything that had gone down, he totally understood Dean's reaction to the accident. And he felt like total shit.

But all that being said, didn't change this situation. "But that doesn't mean you can keep tucked in a motel room somewhere and nothing bad is never going to happen again." Sam said. "Accidents happen Dean. And they aren't your fault."

"Shit Sam." Dean sighed.

"I mean it Dean. I break your promise right here and now. And I will never ask that of you again. But if we're going to keep going, we have to stick together, as equals. No more guilt crap. After all the crap I've put you through and done _to_ you, intentional or not, you've never once let me take the blame. And I'm not about to let you take it either. And I mean it. This was a stupid accident Dean. Not your fault. And I'm going to be fine. And then we're going back out there and do what we do best. Together."

Dean sighed and sat back in the chair. "How about if you stay in the Impala?" he asked with a small smile.

Sam reached out and slapped at his head. "You jerk. I can't believe you avoided me and made us go through this whole chick flick over that. Your brain is twisted man."

Dean shrugged. "Nothing new there."

"So we good?" Sam asked. "You gonna let it go?"

Dean looked at Sam for a long time before saying, "Yeah, we're good."

"And your gonna let it go?" Sam asked again.

Dean clicked his tongue. "I'll work on that part. Okay?"

"For now." Sam said. Then he exhaled loudly and fell back onto his pillow. This whole conversation had wore him out. And he was starting to feel the pains in his body. As if reading his mind his nurse came in.

"Time for some more pain meds Mr. Baker." She smiled sweetly at the brothers. After administering the medication she patted Sam on the arm then turned to Dean. "He'll be off in dreamland in just a minute." She said winking then left.

"Oh, I think she likes you Sammy." Dean teased.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Shut up man. She's like, sixty."

"Hey man, older woman? Could teach you a thing or two." Dean said, not being able to hold back his laughter.

"You are sick man." He blinked his eyes, which were already feeling heavy. His body was already getting that numb feeling. He knew he wouldn't be able to fight sleep much longer.

"Stop fighting it man. Go to sleep." Dean said.

Sam opened his eyes to find Dean standing over him. His tongue felt thick and his words slurred when he spoke. "You gonna be here when I wake up?"

Dean smiled. "Where else would I be?"

Sam smiled and let his eyes close, let the peace wash over him. But just before sleep totally consumed him he felt Dean bend over him, place a kiss on his forehead and say, "Sleep tight Sammy. I love you little brother."

The End


End file.
